70 million USD. That’s how much money Warner Bros. was willing to shell out to appease the nameless rabble calling for Zack Snyder’s edit of Justice League. They had to rebuild most of the movie from the ground up, creating new VFX shots and recording new dialogue.
It’s a disgusting display of financial irresponsibility that proves the age-old adage: the squeaky wheel gets a bad rehashing of a bad movie.
But, in an ideal world, Warner Bros. and DC would have collaborated on something the populace actually wants to see. Like these absolute bangers:
Batman vs. Godzilla
Let’s break this one down. Godzilla movies are mindless, building-bashing, fun-as-hell popcorn flicks. Batman movies are psuedo-art-flick, gritty, people-bashing, fun-as-hell superhero flicks. Batman and Godzilla are like cheddar and apples; they’re great apart, and they’re surprisingly incredible together.
Toho and Greenway Productions were going to collaborate on this film in the mid-60s, but it never came to fruition.
In the original plan, some sinister sucker has a device that controls Godzilla, and he’s using that power to ransom Japan into giving him Scrooge McDuck levels of gold. Batman, Robin and Batgirl a la Barbara Gordon engage in some Batcopter antics, eventually addressing the Godzilla problem by firing him into space.
Bryan Cranston voiced Commissioner Gordon in Batman: Year One (2011), and he appeared in the 2014 Godzilla film. A little retcon action, and baby, you’ve already got one piece of the cast puzzle picked out.
The Marvelous Misadventures of Bat-Mite
I’m committed to this one. This is a great idea. Cartoon Network art-style Bat-Mite series? Money in the bank. He could get into hijinks. Pinky and the Brain is all about mice trying to rule the world and people love it. This is all about Bat-Mite enacting increasingly elaborate schemes to see Batman in action and screwing it up. There’s potential here to bring a character that audiences may not be familiar with into the limelight and, best of all, it can be an R-rated Harley Quinn-esque deconstruction of superheroes, or something more family-friendly.
The possibilities are endless, and Bat-Mite and his Fifth Dimensional powers are ready to be tapped into by any creative team brave enough to pass on a multi-million dollar reedit of a movie that will only make fan culture even more insufferable than it already is (as impossible as that may seem).
Honestly, a Rōnin movie might be the closest thing we’d ever get to a Samurai Jack movie, and it’s worth it on that alone.
The skinny: A masterless samurai is reincarnated in near-future dystopian New York, now overrun with the typical city-based dystopian characters—mutants, mobsters, warring factions, etc.
Genndy Tartakovsky has admitted that Rōnin heavily influenced Samurai Jack, and even Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles draws inspiration from the series. With that much cultural gravitas, it’s hard to believe that a film adaptation would have been stuck in development hell since the late 90s.
Regardless, DC would have the resources to revive the Rōnin dream had they not wasted all their money on Zack friggin’ Snyder.
Hear me out: Tom Cruise as Deathstroke.
You can get literally anyone in Hollywood to do anything for a superhero paycheck these days (I’m looking at you, Ethan Hawke, villain in Disney+’s Moon Knight), so why not bring Cruise in to play one of the coolest rogues in DC’s gallery? Give him the dye job he had in Collateral (2004) and he’s basically got the look down.
Deathstroke is a mercenary that can play as a straight villain or toe the line as an anti-hero, allowing creatives the opportunity to weave a layered story that gives people (me) the Slade Wilson content they (I) crave.
Plus, with Cruise’s commitment to dying on a movie set, you have the opportunity to go as big and bad as you want with the stunts.
Have Robert Pattinson co-star as his gritty, unwashed Batman and let him bat-kick Cruise-as-Deathstroke off the top of Wayne Tower, but actually let Robert Pattinson hurl Tom Cruise off the top of the tallest building you can find. It’ll scratch Cruise’s daredevil itch and we know that the spirit of L. Ron Hubbard will step in and save him before things get out of hand, so there’s no real danger and the footage you’d capture would bring audiences to the theater in droves.
Honestly, it’s disappointing that I, a grown man with a McFarlane Toys Deathstroke action figure watching over me while I work, am having to pitch this idea to the wilderness of the internet, when Warner Bros. should already be in active preproduction on this. Do better, DCEU.