5 Cool Halloween Costumes If You’re Not A Goddamn Coward

Just because it’s September and it’s 80 degrees in Minnesota doesn’t mean we can’t start talking about Halloween. After all, putting together a good costume can take a lot of work, and to quote Geri in Toy Story 2: “You can’t rush arrrrrt.”

Totoro

Who can resist a timeless classic, amirite?

Imagine this, but with a concerning Buffalo Wild Wings addiction

If endless quarantine has taught me anything, it’s that you can do anything you set your mind to. And apparently, for the last five months I’ve had my mind set on achieving the shape and sex appeal of a beanpot.

So, if you’re anything like me, squeeze your newly acquired gut into a gray bunny costume, paint some chevrons on the stomach, and spend the entire night bellowing your displeasure at not being able to sleep undisturbed.

Thomas Wake from The Lighthouse

Let’s face it. You haven’t shaven or bathed since March 13th. This costume grants you permission to shriek your curses in public at your good friend’s kickback instead of mumbling them tearfully into the pillowcase you also haven’t washed since March 13th.

All you really need is a peacoat, a captain’s hat and your own grubby damn self.

Is that existential horror in your eyes, or are you just happy to see me?

Immortan Joe from Mad Max: Fury Road

The apocalypse is here. The apocalypse is now. We killed the world.

And so can you with this neat little mask-friendly costume to spice up the late shift at the Applebees job you were forced to take because your boss found your Twitter and didn’t enjoy your perspective on defunding the police.

Mask it or casket, king!

The Unbearable Weight Of Your Loneliness

It’s the only costume that won’t engender the continual, “sooo, what are you supposed to be?” You know why? Because they already know.

They already know.

A Banana!

Haha, how fun! The life of the party, you.

Is that existential horror in your eyes, or are you just happy to see me?